Survival rate.
You have survived every single one of your worst days.
When you need it
🧭
Decision Coach
Walk me through this
🫁
Breathe
1-minute reset
🌀
Interrupt
When you're spinning
🛡️
Shame Interrupt
That's the wound talking
Your tools
🚪
Boundary Bank
Scripts for mum
💛
Isabella
What she needs to see
🚢
Ship to One
70% is enough
📜
Permission Slips
What's allowed today
Your practice
✉️
Unsent Letters
Write what you can't say yet
💎
Resilience Bank
Evidence against the shame
🌙
Nightly Wind-Down
What did you do today that Isabella will remember?
Decision Coach
Hard decisions aren't hard because you don't know the answer. They're hard because every option costs something.
Step 1: Name it
What's the decision? Say it plainly. No preamble.
Step 2: The real options
Not all of them. Just the two or three that actually exist right now.
Step 3: What does each cost?
Every option costs something. Time, money, energy, momentum, hope. Name it.
Step 4: The body check
Close your eyes. Say Option A out loud. Notice what your body does.
Now say Option B. Which one made your shoulders drop? Which made your chest tighten?
Step 5: The real question
Is this actually hard? Or are you afraid that choosing means losing the option you didn't pick?
Most "hard decisions" are grief about what you have to let go of. The decision is often already made. You're just not ready to say it out loud.
The pivot framework
Stay when you're making progress (even slow) and the work still lights something up.
Pivot when you're performing progress, not making it. When staying is about avoiding the feeling of quitting.
Pause (not quit) when you're too depleted to judge. Put it down for one week. If you miss it, pick it back up. If you feel relief, you have your answer.
The sunk cost truth
Three weeks of work is not wasted if it taught you something. It's only wasted if you keep going out of guilt instead of conviction.
What have you decided?
🧭
You can change your mind later.
Deciding now doesn't mean deciding forever.
It means deciding for today.
You're in the spin
Not broken. Just spinning.
The drive to make it perfect. One more store. One more clean. One more detail. You feel it in your body: the motor that won't stop.
This is the wound running. Not the situation.
The wound says: "If I stop, I'll be abandoned."
The truth: you are safe. Right now. In this moment.
Ask yourself
What is the minimum viable version of this?
If I did 30% of what I'm planning, would anyone notice the difference?
Am I doing this for Isabella, or to prove I'm not a bad mother?
🤍
The imperfect version is enough. You are enough without the performance.
That's the wound talking
Not the truth. The wound.
"I'm a monster." "I'm a terrible mother." "I hate myself." Those words are not insight. They're a 15-year-old who got kicked out of her home, still believing she was disposable.
You are not disposable. You never were.
What's actually true
You organised a birthday party on zero budget. That's love.
You wrote a multi-page intake document for your counsellor. That's courage.
You built this app because you want to break the cycle. That's strength.
Isabella has a mother who sees the pattern and is fighting to change it. Most never even look.
🛡️
You don't have to earn your place. You already belong here.
Add to your evidence
Boundary Bank
Read before you see her. You don't have to think on the spot.
"I'm not explaining further" is a complete sentence.
🎁 Gift Boundary
"Thanks for offering, but I've got that covered."
If she pushes:
"I need to handle this one myself. I'm not explaining further."
⏰ Time Boundary
"I can do [X time]. That's what's available this week."
If she guilts:
"I hear that you want more time. This is what I can do right now."
🚫 Topic Boundary
"I'm not going to talk about that. What else is happening?"
If she persists:
"I said I'm not discussing that. If that's what we're going to talk about, I need to go."
Then leave. Once. The boundary means nothing if you don't enforce it.
💬 Dismissal Redirect
"I'm not asking you to fix how I feel. I'm asking you to hear it without commentary."
If she can't:
"I can see this isn't a conversation we can have right now. I'm going to go."
👧 Isabella Shield
"I need space to parent her my way, even when it's different from what you'd do."
If she criticises your parenting:
"I'm not asking for feedback on my parenting."
After seeing her
Isabella
Not how she's doing. What does she need to see from you today?
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I can be imperfect
😴
I can rest
✋
I can say no
💭
I can have feelings
🤝
I can ask for help
Phrases to practice
"I'm tired today. That's okay."
"I made a mistake. Here's what I'm doing differently."
"Your feelings make sense."
"You can be mad at me. I can handle it."
"Good enough counts."
The Repair Conversation
Find a quiet moment. Not in the car. Not at bedtime.
"Isabella, I need to talk to you about something I said before your birthday. I said something scary about hurting myself. I was very tired and very overwhelmed, and I said something I shouldn't have said out loud, especially in front of you.
I want you to know: I'm not going to hurt myself. I'm getting help to feel better.
Here's the most important part: It's not your job to take care of me or worry about me. I'm the parent. You're the kid. I love you and I'm not going anywhere.
Do you have any questions or feelings about it?"
Listen. Don't fix. Whatever she says is okay.
Ship to One
Completion invites judgment. So you abandon projects before they can abandon you.
That pattern kept you safe as a kid. It's costing you as an adult.
Is this 70% done?
Yes: Who is ONE person you could send it to? Not publish. Just one person.
No: What's the ONE thing it needs to hit 70%?
Maybe: Good enough counts. Perfectionism is protection, not quality.
🚢
Imperfect completion takes more courage than perfect incompletion.
Permission Slips
Not aspirational. Allowed. Right now.
🏠
The house can be messy.
📺
TV for dinner is fine.
📱
You don't have to answer texts immediately.
✋
"I can't right now" is a complete sentence.
✅
"Good enough" is actually good enough.
😴
Rest is not laziness. It's how you survive tomorrow.
🍝
Cereal for dinner counts as dinner.
🙅♀️
You can say no without explaining why.
💧
Crying is not breaking. It's pressure releasing.
🤍
You don't have to earn your place in this family. You are the family.
Unsent Letters
Write what you can't say yet. To anyone. No one will read this unless you choose to share it.
To IsabellaTo 15-year-old meTo MumTo future me
What do you want Isabella to know someday? Not now. When she's ready.
What would you say to the girl who just got kicked out? She's scared. She thinks it's her fault.
Say what you need to say. She doesn't have to hear it for it to matter.
Write to the version of you who made it through this. She exists. She's waiting.
Resilience Bank
Evidence against the shame. Everything you've written, everything you've survived.
When the wound says "you're not enough," this is what's actually true:
💎
This is not a highlight reel. This is proof of life.
Nightly Wind-Down
No streak to maintain. No points to lose.
What did you do today that Isabella will remember?